Film Snark

Genie, a white duck wearing a red turban with a blue feather, blue shirt, black vest, gold earrings, green pants, and brown slippers sits on the floor. Holding his sleeve is Huey, a white duck in a red cap and red shirt, speaking and looking angry at Genie. Behind them is Dewey, a white duck in a blue shirt and blue hat, Webby Vanderquack, a white duck with a pink dress and pink hair bow (holding a golden lamp), and Louie, a white duck in a green shirt and green hat. They are in an in-home library with shelves of books and a large globe.
D
Disney Animated Features

DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp
Released: August 3rd, 1990

What in the actual hell is this movie? Is this the trial run on Aladdin? But like.............a bad one? Also the literal best part of this movie is when they play the DuckTales theme. At the end. :sigh:

I don't know how this got a theatrical release, other than the fact that DuckTales was probably pretty successful as a Disney Channel cartoon. I looked up the Wikipedia about this and there's a pull quote from an animator that says "For all the Europeans working on this Disney feature, it was a dream come true, and because most of us were working on a feature for the first time in our lives, in a way it was our Snow White." Yikes. This is shortly followed by this information: "The film was not the financial success Disney was supposedly hoping for, having to face competition from other summer releases such as Jetsons: The Movie. The studio incurred a loss of $2 million." Yeah. Seems.....legit.

Notable Grossness

Middle Easterners/Egyptians as weasels. HOORAY. Some references to Native Americans as Indians and the Boston Tea Party, war paint, etc. just as an offhand joke, not prolonged.

So much of this movie is the same plot, scenes, and bits as Aladdin that I'm confused. The animation quality is pretty poor for the majority of the film, though there are some quality sequences. How did Scrooge McDuck ever become a character that we cared about? I mean, I know how. I'm just mad about it. #CapitalistDuck I said that to James: "How did we ever start caring about Scrooge McDuck?" And his answer was: "It was the 80s." Welp.

I'm not gonna lie, I stopped paying attention like halfway through this movie. It's a mess. The plot is weird and complicated. The Wikipedia article says this was originally going to be a 5-episode run of DuckTales episodes, and let me tell you - it should have stayed that way.

Christopher Lloyd is..................not at his best. Obviously we all know I love him as Rasputin in Anastasia, but this seems like a subpar version of that. Rip Taylor is annoying as the genie.

I feel like the music is too serious for the plot and for how much we care about the characters; but also - apparently - they released a soundtrack for this movie (which is entirely instrumental). Like............what. I had this all the way down at the bottom of the list before the movie was over, below the Aristocats, because I thought it was so boring and weird. Then they played the DuckTales theme at the end and I got excited and almost moved it up to above The Black Cauldron. I need to watch that show some more. I'm leaving this movie at the bottom, though - I will not be swayed by a good credits song (this time).

June 15th, 2021
Pete's Dragon
A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.

Recent Snark

Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.

Mary Poppins

Julie Andrews is a genuine delight, whether she's being fun or she's irritated. It's not just her voice, her whole presence is just delightful. George and Winifred Banks are excellent side characters, and the kids are as adorable as they need to be. Dick Van Dyke is a national treasure and I won't hear a word against him.

Structurally, there's not really a plot, but that makes sense given that it's based on a series of kind of episodic books. It's also very long. I think the length and episodic nature takes away from the character study of stuffy, cross Mr. Banks and how he learns from his children (and Mary Poppins and Bert) how to retain a sense of wonder and joy. But it's consistently fun. The music is delightful, the dancing is wonderful, and the adventures Mary Poppins and Bert and the kids go on are spectacular. I'm sure I have nostalgia for it but I think this stands up, to be honest.

The dings on the grade are for occasional bad costumes, bad makeup, the length, the imperialist nonsense. I'm honestly tempted to raise it back up because of the flawless animation/live action melding.

September 13th, 2022
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.

A Goofy Movie

I know this is shameful for someone my age but I've never seen this movie before. I may have caught bits of it when my brothers were younger, but the only thing I remember is Pauly Shore doing the leaning tower of cheese-a. I'm pretty much going into this one blind.

March 1st, 2022