Film Snark

Oliver, an orange kitten, stands on a city street; 5 dogs of different breeds (Tito the chihuahua, Einstein the Great Dane, Rita the Saluki, and Francis the bulldog, and Dodger the mongrel) stand next to him singing or speaking.
C-
Disney Animated Features

Oliver & Company
Released: November 18th, 1988

This movie is so boring. I don't care about Oliver, so I don't care about the story he gets hooked into, and I also don't care about Fagin's gang.

I only remembered disliking this movie, and when I heard Tito say, "If this is torture, chain me to the wall!" I remembered that from commercials as a kid. Basically, a lot of the Cheech Marin lines are memorable, because it's Cheech Marin. But Bette Midler is the only good thing in this film.

Notable Grossness

Gang war, gang war, shouts the Mexican Chihuahua. 😕

The animation is pretty subpar compared to a lot of the more recent films. Even some of the little details are just obnoxious in how poorly-thought-out they are. Fagin has his foot in a bucket at one point and is dragging along with him...........an anchor. You know. For a boat. Like.....someone went, "What's a thing that might be at the docks?! I KNOW, AN ANCHOR" and they just drew it. Especially in a movie that seems to be trying to have "street savoir-faire" and be grittier, that kind of laziness makes me mad. Georgette, a groomed white poodle with light purple fur and a pink hairbow, holds her chest fur up and jiggles it. She is in a room with orange walls, potted palm fronds, a lighted mirror, and a statue of herself. The caption reads, "inappropriate dog boobs"

If I didn't hate this movie so much I wouldn't be as irritated by the dog boobs, but here we are.

The story is a poor interpretation of Oliver Twist, and the characters are annoying and boring, especially Jenny. Given the style, story, and general tone of this movie, I honestly think this is Disney's attempt at a response to An American Tail, which is a spectacular piece of animation and writing, and just fails. Why did Oliver go back and trust his crew right away, five seconds after they basically kicked him out?

My favorite animation is the Dobermans. I think they're pretty well done.

The MUSIC in this film is OBNOXIOUS. The saxophone, oh god, the saxophone. Whyyyyyyyyyyyy. I really just don't have much to say about this movie.

June 1st, 2021
Pete's Dragon
A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.

Recent Snark

Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.

Mary Poppins

Julie Andrews is a genuine delight, whether she's being fun or she's irritated. It's not just her voice, her whole presence is just delightful. George and Winifred Banks are excellent side characters, and the kids are as adorable as they need to be. Dick Van Dyke is a national treasure and I won't hear a word against him.

Structurally, there's not really a plot, but that makes sense given that it's based on a series of kind of episodic books. It's also very long. I think the length and episodic nature takes away from the character study of stuffy, cross Mr. Banks and how he learns from his children (and Mary Poppins and Bert) how to retain a sense of wonder and joy. But it's consistently fun. The music is delightful, the dancing is wonderful, and the adventures Mary Poppins and Bert and the kids go on are spectacular. I'm sure I have nostalgia for it but I think this stands up, to be honest.

The dings on the grade are for occasional bad costumes, bad makeup, the length, the imperialist nonsense. I'm honestly tempted to raise it back up because of the flawless animation/live action melding.

September 13th, 2022
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.

A Goofy Movie

I know this is shameful for someone my age but I've never seen this movie before. I may have caught bits of it when my brothers were younger, but the only thing I remember is Pauly Shore doing the leaning tower of cheese-a. I'm pretty much going into this one blind.

March 1st, 2022