Film Snark

Robin Hood, a red fox with a green tunic and yellow hat with a red feather, and green slippers, stands on a tree branch, balances an arrow with white fletching feathers on his finger.
A-
Disney Animated Features

Robin Hood
Released: November 8th, 1973

OO-DE-LALLY!

Come on, folks. It's Robin Hood for pete's sake. There's nothing overwhelmingly spectacular about the animation but it's got your usual cast of adorable animals, personified. The music! Oh man, I love the damn folk music feel to this whole thing. Also, "The Phony King of England" is still one of the best songs ever. I always forget it but when I hear it again I looooove it.

Notable Grossness

Not really anything!

This movie is ALL about the characters. The voice actors are perfectly chosen - Pat Buttram as the Sheriff of Nottingham has one of the most recognizable voices in history. I love Lady Cluck. I think Lady Cluck is what they were trying to do with the geese in The Aristocats, but failed to do. Lady Cluck is perfection. Prince John is a goddamn riot. Friar Tuck is great, and the little rabbit kids are amazing. When they say Toby might snitch on them, and they immediately make him take the oath! "Spider, snakes and a lizard head. If I tattletale, I’ll die till I’m dead." It just takes a few lines like this to flesh out characters and make them feel real. I'M LOOKING AT YOU ARISTOCATS. The rooster is amazing and obviously has one of the more memorable songs in history (see also: The Hamster Dance)

And Robin himself. What a dreamboat. 😍😍😍😍😍 He's so sincere and charming. I love it when he's in silly disguises, he's so committed. And Little John makes such a perfect companion for him, they're just great. Robin Hood, a red fox wearing a green tunic and a yellow hat with an arrow through it, leans against a gray tree branch, speaking, gesturing with his head, and bringing his nails up to inspect them. The caption reads, 'Most eligible fox'.

I love the archery contest and all the silly animation in it. I love when everybody's in jail, because it's so sad! I love it because it's moving. I care about every single one of those randos, even Nutsy and Trigger. The comedic timing in this one is so excellent, and I like that it feels the same, tonally as Errol Flynn's Robin Hood. Adventurous and charming and bold. I love this movie.

April 13th, 2021
Pete's Dragon
A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.

Recent Snark

Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.

Mary Poppins

Julie Andrews is a genuine delight, whether she's being fun or she's irritated. It's not just her voice, her whole presence is just delightful. George and Winifred Banks are excellent side characters, and the kids are as adorable as they need to be. Dick Van Dyke is a national treasure and I won't hear a word against him.

Structurally, there's not really a plot, but that makes sense given that it's based on a series of kind of episodic books. It's also very long. I think the length and episodic nature takes away from the character study of stuffy, cross Mr. Banks and how he learns from his children (and Mary Poppins and Bert) how to retain a sense of wonder and joy. But it's consistently fun. The music is delightful, the dancing is wonderful, and the adventures Mary Poppins and Bert and the kids go on are spectacular. I'm sure I have nostalgia for it but I think this stands up, to be honest.

The dings on the grade are for occasional bad costumes, bad makeup, the length, the imperialist nonsense. I'm honestly tempted to raise it back up because of the flawless animation/live action melding.

September 13th, 2022
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.

A Goofy Movie

I know this is shameful for someone my age but I've never seen this movie before. I may have caught bits of it when my brothers were younger, but the only thing I remember is Pauly Shore doing the leaning tower of cheese-a. I'm pretty much going into this one blind.

March 1st, 2022