Film Snark

Four white children are flying in the air with their arms out: Wendy, a preteen girl in a blue long nightgown with brown hair and a blue hair bow; Michael, a very young boy in a pink onesie with brown hair; John, a boy older than Michael, wearing a long white nightshirt and red slippers, with brown hair and round glasses; Peter Pan, a preteen boy with red hair, wearing a green shirt, green hat with a red feather, green leggings, and green slippers.
D
Disney Animated Features

Peter Pan
Released: February 5th, 1953

Let me tell you what. If I had remembered how much of this movie was based on Native American stereotyping and racist imagery, I would have skipped it. I thought it was just the one song but boy oh boy was I wrong. Almost half the movie is pretty damn disgusting.

Not gonna lie - I was expecting to love Peter Pan. I remember when I played Kingdom Hearts, and you go to Neverland and learn to fly for the first time, I actually cried because it was so amazing. I LOVE Captain Hook. He's so iconic and wonderful. I'm really disappointed at how much I disliked this movie.

Notable Grossness

:siiiiiiiiiiigh: The Native Americans. Lots of "redskins" and ridiculous bullshit abounds through most of the movie. I'm really disappointed, and I'm disappointed that I forgot.

The music is mostly boring. Other than "You Can Fly", nothing else really lands for me. I do like the part where Hook is trying to get the Lost Boys to sign up as pirates and he offers them a free tattoo - catchy line. As for animation - the best part is when they fly over Neverland and you see the map view of the world, and when they're flying off of Big Ben. The crocodile is handled really well, and I love the scene where Peter is doing the Hook impression in the cave. Smee is great and has some good one liners, among his bumbling. I hated that they replaced Tink drinking poison for a bomb. Just.......weird. This whole thing was just broad strokes, in story and in art. There's very little that's beautiful or interesting in this one. A huge green crocodile opens and closes his jaws as he comes out of the water. Captain Hook, a white man with long black hair, tattered clothes and a hook where his left hand used to be, stands on the croc's jaws trying not to be eaten. The caption says 'This crocodile eats racists'

I remembered liking the Lost Boys a lot more. In this watch, I thought they were irritating and they were drawn to look kinda evil/bad. I would have loved to see them be innocent little kids having fun, not the bad boys from Pleasure Island who cause trouble, but that's what they reminded me of. In fact, I remembered liking Tinkerbell a lot more too. Mostly, I didn't like anybody in this movie (except Captain Hook and Michael because Michael is precious and must be protected at all costs). The parents were awful, Wendy was cardboard, John was a budding little racist, Peter is an asshole, and Tink is a traitor who does the right thing out of guilt, but not in an interesting way.

In all, I think what I love about Peter Pan the story was handled 8 million times better than this in Hook, which is a far far far superior movie. It captures all the same themes and moments, but it does it without being grossly racist or boring. The only reason this film is getting a D instead of an F is because only half the movie is racist, and there are some really funny moments - namely, Smee shaving Captain Hook, and Peter imitating him. Also the first appearance of the crocodile is iconic and wonderful.

February 23rd, 2021
Pete's Dragon
A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.

Recent Snark

Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.

Mary Poppins

Julie Andrews is a genuine delight, whether she's being fun or she's irritated. It's not just her voice, her whole presence is just delightful. George and Winifred Banks are excellent side characters, and the kids are as adorable as they need to be. Dick Van Dyke is a national treasure and I won't hear a word against him.

Structurally, there's not really a plot, but that makes sense given that it's based on a series of kind of episodic books. It's also very long. I think the length and episodic nature takes away from the character study of stuffy, cross Mr. Banks and how he learns from his children (and Mary Poppins and Bert) how to retain a sense of wonder and joy. But it's consistently fun. The music is delightful, the dancing is wonderful, and the adventures Mary Poppins and Bert and the kids go on are spectacular. I'm sure I have nostalgia for it but I think this stands up, to be honest.

The dings on the grade are for occasional bad costumes, bad makeup, the length, the imperialist nonsense. I'm honestly tempted to raise it back up because of the flawless animation/live action melding.

September 13th, 2022
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.

A Goofy Movie

I know this is shameful for someone my age but I've never seen this movie before. I may have caught bits of it when my brothers were younger, but the only thing I remember is Pauly Shore doing the leaning tower of cheese-a. I'm pretty much going into this one blind.

March 1st, 2022