Film Snark

The Mad Hatter, a white man with white hair and a green suit, teal bow tie, and a giant green top hat with a 10/6 size tag tucked into the brim, sits at a table covered in teapots and teacups, facing away from the camera. Next to him, also facing away, is the Dormouse, a little brown mouse who sits in a green teapot. Across the table from them is Alice, a white, blonde girl with a black hairband with a bow, and a blue dress with a white pinafore. The March Hare, a brown rabbit with a bit of blond hair wearing a red shirt, brown pants, and a red bow tie, is laying on the table on his stomach, drinking a cup of tea with his eyes closed, talking to Alice.
A-
Disney Animated Features

Alice in Wonderland
Released: July 26th, 1951

This is quite a charming movie. I've honestly never read Alice in Wonderland, but I've seen (and played) several versions; the live action version from 1972 that's a musical, Adventures in Wonderland (the 90s TV show with a rollerblading white rabbit and rapping Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum - please believe me when I tell you it was SPECTACULAR), American McGee's Alice, the 1985 Alice in Wonderland two-part TV movie with weird-ass celebrity cameos like Shelley Winters, Sammy Davis Jr., Patrick Duffy, Pat Morita, John Stamos and Carol Channing. Damn, I need to watch that one again.

Alice is adorable and there's lots of really iconic visuals and memorable scenes. Given the nature of the source material, it makes sense that it feels like a bunch of disjointed scenes, so I'm not grading it down on that. For me, the disappointing part of this film is that Alice's songs are the least memorable, and the least useful to the plot. The best songs are: A Very Merry Unbirthday, Twas Brillig (the Jabberwocky song - sung by the Cheshire Cat), The Walrus and the Carpenter, and Painting the Roses Red.

Notable Grossness

None, thankfully.

The animation is obviously juvenile and a little nonsensical, but that's the point. Some particularly great bits of animation include: the marching cards, the Cheshire Cat (doing anything at all), the use of teacups in the Mad Tea Party, the Caterpillar blowing smoke letters, Alice growing too large for the house. The Cheshire Cat, a purple-and-pink striped cat with a long bushy tail, sits on a branch of a tree, speaking and laughing. The caption reads, 'Oh you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here.'

There's also some great vocal work - some is nostalgic because the Mad Hatter is Uncle Albert from Mary Poppins. He also has some great one-liners ("Mustard?! Don't let's be silly.") The Dormouse makes an excellent showing with the best poem in the whole movie, recited while sleepy (Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat). The White Rabbit has one of my favorite one-liners when he changes his voice to say "and the king" after introducing the Queen of Hearts. The Queen is a riot - I'm so pleased with how she's animated and voiced. "THAT'S IMPORTANT!"

February 16th, 2021
Pete's Dragon
A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.

Recent Snark

Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.

Mary Poppins

Julie Andrews is a genuine delight, whether she's being fun or she's irritated. It's not just her voice, her whole presence is just delightful. George and Winifred Banks are excellent side characters, and the kids are as adorable as they need to be. Dick Van Dyke is a national treasure and I won't hear a word against him.

Structurally, there's not really a plot, but that makes sense given that it's based on a series of kind of episodic books. It's also very long. I think the length and episodic nature takes away from the character study of stuffy, cross Mr. Banks and how he learns from his children (and Mary Poppins and Bert) how to retain a sense of wonder and joy. But it's consistently fun. The music is delightful, the dancing is wonderful, and the adventures Mary Poppins and Bert and the kids go on are spectacular. I'm sure I have nostalgia for it but I think this stands up, to be honest.

The dings on the grade are for occasional bad costumes, bad makeup, the length, the imperialist nonsense. I'm honestly tempted to raise it back up because of the flawless animation/live action melding.

September 13th, 2022
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.

A Goofy Movie

I know this is shameful for someone my age but I've never seen this movie before. I may have caught bits of it when my brothers were younger, but the only thing I remember is Pauly Shore doing the leaning tower of cheese-a. I'm pretty much going into this one blind.

March 1st, 2022