Film Snark

A white woman (Cinderella) in a blue ball gown with sparkles on the skirt stands on the edge of a fountain, looking at her reflection. Two blue birds (one with a white handkerchief on its head and one with a red vest) watch her.
A+
Disney Animated Features

Cinderella
Released: March 4th, 1950

Cinderella isn't my favorite princess, but this film is a masterpiece. Zuk zuk!

My goodness. This film. I love all of the characters, all of them (Gus-Gus and Jaq, as well as the rest of the mice, Bruno, Drizella and Anastasia). The songs, come on. I feel like I don't actually have to review this film.

Notable Grossness

There....is.....NONE.

Anyway, here are some things I love about Cinderella:

  • Animation - one thing that always stands out to me explicitly is the stepmother waving her daughters out the door to the ball - her hand movement is so specific and idiosyncratic, and it just illustrates how true-to-life this film feels
  • The Fairy Godmother - come on. The lyrics, the voice, the humor, the illustration. She's a bit chubby and she's old, and she's not made into a joke
  • Cinderella - she's such a good-hearted person, but she has a sense of humor and a bit of a sarcastic nature. I mean for heaven's sake she's making extra mouse clothes in case mice come to the house. What a joy.
  • The pumpkin carriage and the castle exterior, just so elegant.
  • The king. Look, I don't like "the prince has to marry!" as a plotline usually, EXCEPT in this case. The king is obviously being selfish but it's totally reasonable - he just wants grandkids. And he's emotional, and it's adorable. When he almost falls off the balcony shouting for the castle staff to turn down the lights, it gets me every time. "YOU TRAITOR! TREASON! SABOTAGE! YOU WERE IN LEAGUE WITH THE PRINCE ALL ALONG! THE WHOLE THING WAS A PLOT!" Like - this guy is great.
  • Sing Sweet Nightingale. The illustration sequence and the song, beautiful.
  • A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes - sorry, this song is 8 million times better than Some Day My Prince Will Come, eat it Snow White.
  • The Grand Duke. He's an early prototype of other fussy, overcommitted royal assistants like Zazu and Sebastian, and I love him, especially when he does an impression of the king.
  • Lady Tremaine - spectacularly evil, with searing facial expressions, vocal command that chills to the bone, and an all-too-human cruelty. When the lighting goes dark when she realizes Cinderella was the girl at the ball, and she goes after her with her evil narrowed eyes - CHILLS. Eat it, evil queen from Snow White.
  • The mice. Even when the lady mouse says, "Leave the sewin' to the women" it's because Jaq wanted to sew, and no joke was made of it. Instead he has to get the shinies, which is also a "feminine" thing so I'm letting it slide. The songs, their voices, their animation, all iconic. "Us a-comin'! Us a-comin' Cinderelly!" "Ruuuuuusifee"
Cinderella's stepmother, a white woman with black hair wearing a blue nightgown and a purple night cap, sits in a very large bed with purple curtains behind it. Her eyes are narrowed and she's petting Lucifer, her black cat, who is grinning. The caption reads, 'Me putting up with bullshit.'

Here are some things I don't love about Cinderella:

  • literally nothing
February 9th, 2021
Pete's Dragon
A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.

Recent Snark

Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.

Mary Poppins

Julie Andrews is a genuine delight, whether she's being fun or she's irritated. It's not just her voice, her whole presence is just delightful. George and Winifred Banks are excellent side characters, and the kids are as adorable as they need to be. Dick Van Dyke is a national treasure and I won't hear a word against him.

Structurally, there's not really a plot, but that makes sense given that it's based on a series of kind of episodic books. It's also very long. I think the length and episodic nature takes away from the character study of stuffy, cross Mr. Banks and how he learns from his children (and Mary Poppins and Bert) how to retain a sense of wonder and joy. But it's consistently fun. The music is delightful, the dancing is wonderful, and the adventures Mary Poppins and Bert and the kids go on are spectacular. I'm sure I have nostalgia for it but I think this stands up, to be honest.

The dings on the grade are for occasional bad costumes, bad makeup, the length, the imperialist nonsense. I'm honestly tempted to raise it back up because of the flawless animation/live action melding.

September 13th, 2022
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.

A Goofy Movie

I know this is shameful for someone my age but I've never seen this movie before. I may have caught bits of it when my brothers were younger, but the only thing I remember is Pauly Shore doing the leaning tower of cheese-a. I'm pretty much going into this one blind.

March 1st, 2022