Film Snark

Mickey Mouse, a black mouse with a light-colored face, wearing a red tunic, a tall pointed blue hat with yellow stars, brown slippers and white gloves, dances in front of a broom with a brown handle , yellow straw, and two arms sprouting from its handle, carrying two dark brown buckets with silver bands around them.
B
Disney Animated Features

Fantasia
Released: November 13th, 1940

This is not really one I enjoy

If I could rank Bald Mountain alone, it'd go above Snow White.

Notable Grossness

The centaurs pair off based on color.......yiiiiikeess. Generic Asian mushrooms doing a non-specific Asian "dance" (from what I can tell). Bacchus is his name in Roman culture; he's Dionysus in Greek myth. Why are Bacchus' serving centaurs black women?!?!?! They already cut out the other black "servant" centaurs, thankfully - why leave in the ones who are serving Bacchus? Gross. Also why do the Centaurettes have to be so sexy and preening? Why do the fish have bedroom eyes? What is this madness?

So...I think almost all of Fantasia is boring. I'm not a big fan of abstract art or orchestral music to begin with. Even the parts that are about the start of life on earth (which I'm fascinated by), the dinosaurs, and Greek myth (which, come on, it's me) are boring and weird. Why is Zeus attacking Bacchus and the Centaurs? I can see some of the things that ended up in Hercules; some styling on Pegasus and Zeus specifically.

I love The Sorcerer's Apprentice, and I love the ice skating fairies in the Nutcracker Suite. Almost everything else is just....eh. By the time we get to the ballerina animals, my capacity for whimsy is depleted; I think the toe-shoe ostriches are disconcerting to look at - their legs bend the wrong way (obviously they bend the right way for ostriches, but it's just weird to watch). What does work for me is the evil crocodiles flapping their capes; they're hysterical. Some of the Dance of the Hours is just bizarre enough to make it funny; for example, when the hippo runs far enough away that she disappears and then runs back, and when the crocodile hitches a ride on the hippo's leg while she's spinning. Either way, none of that number hits its full potential.

Night on Bald Mountain is by far the masterpiece of Fantasia; the special effects are phenomenal, and in my opinion, it's the segment that most closely matches music and animation in tone, story, and interest level. I should really watch this every Halloween. It's so great. Even the little assorted demons and ghosts feel like they have character development to me. I get why they melded it into Ave Maria, and other than the fact that Ave Maria does NOTHING for me as a musical composition, I do love the animation of the people going through the woods with their lights. And the choral work reminds me of Sleeping Beauty, and I love that choral work there too. Chernobog, a blue-skinned demon with glowing yellow eyes and giant black wings, shields himself from a flash of light. The caption says, 'When my alarm goes off'

The animation in Fantasia is fine. There's not a lot in there that is epically impressive outside of Bald Mountain. I definitely appreciate why folks like it, though, and I acknowledge that it's good animation with good music, so I'm giving it a high grade and ranking it really low.

November 10th, 2020
Pete's Dragon
A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.

Recent Snark

Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.

Mary Poppins

Julie Andrews is a genuine delight, whether she's being fun or she's irritated. It's not just her voice, her whole presence is just delightful. George and Winifred Banks are excellent side characters, and the kids are as adorable as they need to be. Dick Van Dyke is a national treasure and I won't hear a word against him.

Structurally, there's not really a plot, but that makes sense given that it's based on a series of kind of episodic books. It's also very long. I think the length and episodic nature takes away from the character study of stuffy, cross Mr. Banks and how he learns from his children (and Mary Poppins and Bert) how to retain a sense of wonder and joy. But it's consistently fun. The music is delightful, the dancing is wonderful, and the adventures Mary Poppins and Bert and the kids go on are spectacular. I'm sure I have nostalgia for it but I think this stands up, to be honest.

The dings on the grade are for occasional bad costumes, bad makeup, the length, the imperialist nonsense. I'm honestly tempted to raise it back up because of the flawless animation/live action melding.

September 13th, 2022
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.

A Goofy Movie

I know this is shameful for someone my age but I've never seen this movie before. I may have caught bits of it when my brothers were younger, but the only thing I remember is Pauly Shore doing the leaning tower of cheese-a. I'm pretty much going into this one blind.

March 1st, 2022