Film Snark

A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"

Pete's Dragon

There are literally 3 good people in this film: Elliott, Pete, and Nora. Three and a half because Lampie has his good moments. This is a movie about a bunch of jerky, drunk people who are either trying to scam a small town or abuse children.

They didn't spend enough time with Elliott visible. He's darling and I love him. Given that I hate almost everyone else in this film, I want more Elliot time.

The right message is there in the end, honestly, but my patience is very thin for how much terribleness is mixed in. I'll give them 40+ minutes of true wholesomeness at the beginning (after the Gogans' first song), but the movie could have done with like...2 less groups of villains. The town, the teacher, the Gogans, the traveling scam artist. I need a break from everyone who's awful.

March 28th, 2023

More Disney Animated Features

Bedknobs and Broomsticks

Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.

Mary Poppins

Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.

Recent Snark

Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.

A Goofy Movie

I know this is shameful for someone my age but I've never seen this movie before. I may have caught bits of it when my brothers were younger, but the only thing I remember is Pauly Shore doing the leaning tower of cheese-a. I'm pretty much going into this one blind.

March 1st, 2022

Simba, a young male lion with brown fur and no mane, stands on a rock to be face-to-face with Scar, an adult male lion who is fairly skinny, with brown fur, a dark brown mane, and a scar across his left eye and left eyebrow.

The Lion King

This is a really epic movie, but it's less of my favorite than I remember. It still has some great moments and songs I like but basically, the half of the movie where Simba's away from Pride Rock is more boring than I remember, and I care a lot less about Simba when he's not a tiny baby.

February 22nd, 2022